8-21-08

Lover,


I can't be your Brett. I'm not a character in a book. I don't want to keep moving backwards with you.

You are the one that wants to be " on another path", so let me be on mine.

You clearly don't want to be with me, but you don't want to lose the comfort of having me around as a second choice. I will not be your second choice.

You had a choice between doing something that you knew was going to hurt someone you supposedly care about.... or not. You knew you were going to hurt me, and you chose to do that.

One week you said you still loved me, and days later you have someone new in your bed.

When you said you needed to figure things out, I was genuinely hoping you meant that you needed to figure out that you're almost 25, and have a degree that is almost useless because you're choosing not to do anything with it right now.

But I'm afraid that when you said that, you really meant that you don't want to grow up and you need to stick your dick in every vagina that comes your way.

So enjoy your new vagina, and I hope that you enjoy her because she is beautiful, and interesting, and fun. Because she understands you better than I ever could, and because you actually do care about her and won't choose to hurt her when another new vagina is around.

I guess I'd rather think that our relationship was ruined over something that actually mattered... not an impulsive fling.

Or maybe you enjoy this new vagina because she rides a bike and will do mushrooms with you. I guess that's a measure of character too... although what kind of character I'm not sure.

I would rather not think that you chose to hurt me over the latter... because what does that say about how much I ever meant to you, if you'd rather have a quick fuck and a good trip?

Maybe this is hurtful to hear from me. But at this rate I doubt you'll keep anyone around long enough to tell you the truth again.

I'm not trying to hurt you, I wouldn't intentionally choose to hurt you. Someone has to tell you the truth, and I guess that's the last thing I can do as a friend.

There has always been one person in our relationship taking the other for granted. I think that's one of the things I regret the most. I guess all I've really wanted was for us to NOT take each other for granted and just enjoy having the other person in our lives.

I don't understand why that's so difficult... and if I'm not helping the situation right now I'm sorry but I haven't found a way to do that when I'm still hurt and frustrated with you... just like I still want to (and still do) love you, but I don't know how to deal with that right now, especially when you haven't given me much of a reason to still love you.

Maybe that was your point. Just to make me give up on you. But I don't understand why, when you were the one that has in the past never really given up on me.

I guess that just meant more to me than you ever meant for it to- unless you show me otherwise.